Sunday. Walgreens, Rexburg, Idaho. Cough drops. It was just an ordinary Sunday on vacation. I just needed cough drops, immediately! I did not expect to have a trip down memory lane, a history lesson type of conversation, and huge realization.
The pharmacist at the store was wonderful! He looked like he could be my father. He had very white hair and a big old Kool Aid smile on his lips. He did not seem bitter or mad at all about the fact that he had to work on a Sunday. Our conversation started with my question: "would he please charge me for this?" I was only avoiding having to pay at the front cashier. We had a big conversation about how he did not take money or see money in a long time since he got married. And ended up with a conversation about feminism. It was great! After 30 seconds of exchange, he proceeded to tell me about how feminism, back in his day, with all about burning bras and protesting on campuses. Brigham Young University-Idaho is just down the street. I realized how disconnected from it all he was. I mean, women get doctorate degree in feminist studies!
We briefly exchanged about the theory. My final comment to him was: " I think we shot ourselves on the foot. But, I did repent." He thought it was funny and asked me what I meant by that. I explained that I think we should have been happy with simply wearing pants, voting, and the rights to an education, which would obviously lead to participation in the workforce and any other scenario of society. He laughed out loud. I looked behind and realized there was a young girl behind me. I do have to admit that I kind of liked making her a little bit uncomfortable. I was hoping that would mean she with think about our conversation at some point.
He asked what I meant about repenting. I explained, that I had decided to stay at home with my child and abandon my professional career. I am 35 years old. And I made that change after over 12 years in the workforce. It was an easy decision. And life helped me make it. Of course, I am blessed with a husband who supports me and who also believes that my place is at home with our child. Luckily for me, I never had an ego nor the desire to spend my productive life in the workplace. During my early years, I took advantage and I used my time wisely in completing graduate studies and in learning everything I could. This made a great difference in our life. That does not mean that others should do the same same.
When our daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, I was already at home with her. We had an established routine. We had been working towards making the appropriate changes. Before deciding to stay home full time, my husband and I worked opposite schedules to make sure that one of us was with I daughter at all times. I worked a few hours 3 times a day, which was great in helping us to make sure she had stability. I do have to admit I hated to leave her.
Life could not have given us a greater gift than to be ready to face the challenge of a diagnosis that we had no clue would come.
Nowadays, I join many other mothers and former full time professionals in the ranks of full-time motherhood. However drastic the change might be, I think it is the best desicion my husband and I have made. Despite the fact that sometimes I find myself with a toe or two in the professional world, I have to admit that my diabetic child's world is my favorite place.
Once in awhile I find myself wondering what would have happened if I wouldn't have decided to stay at home with my daughter...what things would be like right now for us. I do not like the image that comes to my mind. Therefore, the last almost 2 years of my life have proven to be the most fulfilling years until this point of my life. However satisfying and fulfilling professional work has been in the past, right now I love to enjoy the subtle successes we have on a daily basis. Some people have actually asked me how it feels to be at home instead of being out and about in society touching lives through my profession. Every single time someone askes me this, I wonder if they really understand the magnitude of the work I am doing at home right now. Instead of changing a family's life, I get to change my own family's life. As I wrap up a project, I still savor my past life. It feels good to experience that once in a while. However, I am so grateful for the life I have right now. I would not change my little family, their diabetes, or any of my sleepless nights or restless days for a paycheck.
So, all of this from a 3 minute conversation with a pharmacist. I'm so happy to realize that yes women have shot themselves on the foot. But happier to realize that I respented. Don't get me wrong. I admire the women out there who are dealing with the duality of a woman's life. It is really hard to balance. It can be the most overwhelming feeling. But repenting. ..changing....that was for me! And just like that, I unshot myself...and became me.
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