The day after... That's when it really hits you. That's when you realize that it was not a nightmare, nor something you made up in your mind... It is real! It happened! You heard it! There's nothing you can do about it. It's not going away. There's nothing you can change. You cannot undo it. You have no power over it. You have just met your match. Someone just told you that things were going to change, and that cannot be abolished. There is no time frame. There is only hope.
Hope that at some point things will get better. Hope that you will learn quickly, and that your child will cooperate. Hope that in the mist of everything, no one will decide to feel guilty nor feel ashamed. Hope that your child will not be treated differently. Hope that your child will not lose his or her childhood because of Diabetes. Hope that you will not feel alone everyday dealing with the challenges. Hope that at some point, you can feel the joy of knowing that a cure might be found.
Today is our anniversary of this day after. It has been two years. I can't believe how time has flown. We are different people, although we are the same. My child is different even though the essence of her is still the same. And as I think about it, I realize that there is so much good that has come from the bad news that our daughter has Type 1 Diabetes. You don't wish this on your kids. If it's in your family, you are probably like me, paranoid. We knew it could happen. We just didn't expect it when she was two.
Today we had the chance to be in that place where we heard the news. Going in felt like a bittersweet homecoming. It felt familiar but strange and unknown at the same time.
The wagons, the pink badges, the beautiful murals, the smiling nurses... they all took me back to my November 12. The only thing I remember is that there was no time to cry. No time to whine. No time to complain. No time for anything. My time was to be used to learn what I needed to learn about Diabetes and my kid. I remember rushing home to take a shower and grab some things for me and for her for the following days. I tried so hard to cry and scream while I was taking a shower and I couldn't. It just seemed like my heart had stopped and I just couldn't complain. The only thing that I kept thinking was that it was God's will and that I was going to be ok.
This November 12 is different. This day after, I'm thinking about how far we have come. How much we have learned! How life is different. I'm not the same person. But I am so grateful that I have the chance to take care of my daughter and to teach her to be a strong woman. I'm so grateful for the strength she has developed. I'm so thankful for how her diagnosis has changed me. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm happy about it. But every day, when I am exhausted from everything that needs to be done, my heart is full of solace. And I am full of joy that I get to raise an amazing human being. She is amazing not because of me, but because she has chosen to be. My little one is my hero!
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