Three years down living with Diabetes..decades to come!

It all started on a day like today. It was 3 years ago, but it seems like Mother Nature wants a real reenactment. It was cold and wet as it normally is during the fall season. Today seems just like that day....11/10/2012.

I didn't know then that those 24 hours would change my life permanently.

Three years have passed and I can still remember vividly each minute: her waking up and desperately asking for water but then also not making it to the potty to pee... that is truly how it started. That was the beginning of my daughter's diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. It seems like it was yesterday, and at the same time it feels like it has been forever. She has now lived longer with type 1 diabetes than without it.

So today is a day of remembrance. I remember how I found myself after feeling lost, not knowing what was wrong. But it was also the beginning of incredible feelings of gratitude and understanding of how life truly works. These days, 3 years ago, filled my mind and my heart with amazement of how God works in our lives. I realized that when you believe He has a plan for your life, nothing can really go wrong. What two decades ago seemed like the path of my life, a rejected path until that day, truly was the path of my life. I never really made any mistakes. I was really just preparing for what the rest of my life would look like. And all the feelings of inadequacy and guilt I had as a 19 year old are now gone as a 37 year old. Because 3 years of what I thought was wasted time and money in college, saved my daughter's life.

As I tested her urine with 3 different ketostix to make sure that I was not imagining things, I realized what was ahead of us. And the only thing I could feel in my heart was that I knew I could do it but also that it was the most worthwhile journey that I would ever embark on.  While no one wants to hear that their child has a chronic disease that they are not to blame for having, there is no cure, and all the discouraging circumstances of the life supporting treatment they would be on... I couldn't help but feeling relieved because I knew it would be hard but I also knew how to do it. I knew that I could do it.

My life is filled with sleepless nights and endless worries. Math calculations have taken over my life. There is always a number in my mind and some kind of equation happening to determine if there is a risk. However, I am grateful for how filled my mind is with questions because those have  filled my heart with an unexplainable love I never knew existed; an unbreakeable bond so unique that, without type 1 diabetes, we would not have. It is a bond of trust. She knows I will not fail her; I will watch over her and care for her. I will protect her and keep her safe despite what her body might want to do at times. She doesnt need to be afraid. I know she trusts me with her life....literally. And while she is so independent and gets smarter every minute, our trust in each other grows because we know its a bond of teaching and doing things right.

Thank you type 1 diabetes for 3 years of challenges but also of trust, of growth, of refinement, of learning, of determination, of grit, of faith, of hope, of ever increasing love.

I love you, S!

The day after...

The day after... That's when it really hits you. That's when you realize that it was not a nightmare, nor something you made up in your mind... It is real! It happened! You heard it! There's nothing you can do about it. It's not going away. There's nothing you can change. You cannot undo it. You have no power over it. You have just met your match. Someone just told you that things were going to change, and that cannot be abolished. There is no time frame. There is only hope.

Hope that at some point things will get better. Hope that you will learn quickly, and that your child will cooperate. Hope that in the mist of everything, no one will decide to feel guilty nor feel ashamed. Hope that your child will not be treated differently. Hope that your child will not lose his or her childhood because of Diabetes. Hope that you will not feel alone everyday dealing with the challenges. Hope that at some point, you can feel the joy of knowing that a cure might be found.

Today is our anniversary of this day after. It has been two years.  I can't believe how time has flown. We are different people, although we are the same. My child is different even though the essence of her is still the same. And as I think about it, I realize that there is so much good that has come from the bad news that our daughter has Type 1 Diabetes. You don't wish this on your kids. If it's in your family, you are probably like me, paranoid. We knew it could happen. We just didn't expect it when she was two.

Today we had the chance to be in that place where we heard the news. Going in felt like a bittersweet homecoming. It felt familiar but strange and unknown at the same time.

The wagons, the pink badges, the beautiful murals, the smiling nurses... they all took me back to my November 12. The only thing I remember is that there was no time to cry. No time to whine. No time to complain. No time for anything. My time was to be used to learn what I needed to learn about Diabetes and my kid. I remember rushing home to take a shower and grab some things for me and for her for the following days. I tried so hard to cry and scream while I was taking a shower and I couldn't. It just seemed like my heart had stopped and I just couldn't complain. The only thing that I kept thinking was that it was God's will and that I was going to be ok.

This November 12 is different. This day after, I'm thinking about how far we have come. How much we have learned! How life is different. I'm not the same person. But I am so grateful that I have the chance to take care of my daughter and to teach her to be a strong woman. I'm so grateful for the strength she has developed. I'm so thankful for how her diagnosis has changed me. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm happy about it. But every day, when I am exhausted from everything that needs to be done, my heart is full of solace. And I am full of joy that I get to raise an amazing human being. She is amazing not because of me, but because she has chosen to be. My little one is my hero!

Huh? Then silence. Or...an avalanche of "what to do"

For the past few days I have been trying to catch up with many things at the same time. I have been especially trying to complete my volunteer work projects, before I jump completely into this year's fundraising efforts for Step Out. In the process of doing that, I have been waiting until the wee hours of the morning to send emails to friends. Surprisingly, I have gotten some responses quite fast that late at night.

I got a response from a friend who I haven't seen in a very long time. It was nice to hear from him, even if it was just one line. I was grateful to know that he had read my message. It made me think about how other people's reactions come once you mention the words "diabetes" and "4 year old" in the same sentence. At this point, it seems so normal to me to think in terms of carb counting and insulin doses. I easily forget that my normal life is far from normal compared other people's lives.

Part of that must be because my daughter helps me make it all look easy and smooth. She is really the champion here!

I guess I have learned to not focus on what other people might be thinking or how they might feel when I pull out Siani's glucometer to check her magic number (blood glucose level). In a way, I have desensitized myself from opinions regarding her lifestyle and how we satisfy her needs. I think I have also tried to make an effort to make it look like it is something that everyone does. Especially because my daughter is perfect. She is NOT sick, she GETS sick when her magic number is not on target.

All of this, just to say: When you see someone pull out their glucometer or prepare a syringe, don't get that "huh?" face people usually get or try to avoid the dead silence that follows. In my case, the best thing that people can do is: first, stare to watch what I am going to be doing; and second, come and ask me what I am doing. I will happily answer. ;)

Good day, folks! And...dont forget to donate :)

"What is diabetes?" cartoon

Here is a cartoon explanation of what Diabetes is. This is soooo simple, you can use it for children. Questions? Ask me! I will be happy to send you more info.

Got it? Now...donate, please?!

Step by step...Continuous glucose monitor insertion

I hope all of you had a good labor day weekend. Our little family finally had time weekend away. I was  reminded of the many opportunities I have to educate about Diabetes, on a daily basis.

We were hanging out waiting for  Jared to bring our food, and a lady saw my daughter's monitor. She immediate came over and asked me about it. he seems immediately. I explained that it is a continuous glucose monitor (cgm). She called an older gentleman that was standing a few feet away from her. I don't know how close their relationship was, but she immediately wanted him to come and see the cgm. It turned out that one of his daughters has type 2 diabetes. Apparently she is having issues with her levels.

It feels great to be able to talk about our experience and to see that we were sharing information with people who will definitely benefit from it.  The greatest part was watching my little 4 year old show off her monitor happily, feeling normal and proud of who she is. That nanosecond felt like an olympic gold for me!

Here is how you insert a cgm...in pics. I talk too much so my videos turn out tooooo long.  :)

Toolkit...what can I use to manage my diabetes?

All diabetics are not created equal. That means that some people inject insulin, others pump, and a lot of of type 2 diabetics, use oral medications to help control there blood glucose levels.

Here are 2 videos that document the different tools that are available for diabetes management. Please pass these videos along to others. The purpose of them is not so you can hear how groggy and how tired I sound in the morning. It is actually educate others about diabetes! Enjoy!

Bionic Girl

For the last 6 weeks, we have been using a Dexcom continuous glucose monitoring device. It has been a great addition to our "diabetes management toolbox". Our family loves our devices and are grateful for them. We are blessed to have them. Unfortunately, not a Diabetics have access to them.  More research and more development will continue to expand accessibility and accuracy in glucose monitoring.

For more info go to dexcom.com

And dont forget to support our Step Out and Walk team...M@gic#Hun+ers