It all started on a day like today. It was 3 years ago, but it seems like Mother Nature wants a real reenactment. It was cold and wet as it normally is during the fall season. Today seems just like that day....11/10/2012.
I didn't know then that those 24 hours would change my life permanently.
Three years have passed and I can still remember vividly each minute: her waking up and desperately asking for water but then also not making it to the potty to pee... that is truly how it started. That was the beginning of my daughter's diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. It seems like it was yesterday, and at the same time it feels like it has been forever. She has now lived longer with type 1 diabetes than without it.
So today is a day of remembrance. I remember how I found myself after feeling lost, not knowing what was wrong. But it was also the beginning of incredible feelings of gratitude and understanding of how life truly works. These days, 3 years ago, filled my mind and my heart with amazement of how God works in our lives. I realized that when you believe He has a plan for your life, nothing can really go wrong. What two decades ago seemed like the path of my life, a rejected path until that day, truly was the path of my life. I never really made any mistakes. I was really just preparing for what the rest of my life would look like. And all the feelings of inadequacy and guilt I had as a 19 year old are now gone as a 37 year old. Because 3 years of what I thought was wasted time and money in college, saved my daughter's life.
As I tested her urine with 3 different ketostix to make sure that I was not imagining things, I realized what was ahead of us. And the only thing I could feel in my heart was that I knew I could do it but also that it was the most worthwhile journey that I would ever embark on. While no one wants to hear that their child has a chronic disease that they are not to blame for having, there is no cure, and all the discouraging circumstances of the life supporting treatment they would be on... I couldn't help but feeling relieved because I knew it would be hard but I also knew how to do it. I knew that I could do it.
My life is filled with sleepless nights and endless worries. Math calculations have taken over my life. There is always a number in my mind and some kind of equation happening to determine if there is a risk. However, I am grateful for how filled my mind is with questions because those have filled my heart with an unexplainable love I never knew existed; an unbreakeable bond so unique that, without type 1 diabetes, we would not have. It is a bond of trust. She knows I will not fail her; I will watch over her and care for her. I will protect her and keep her safe despite what her body might want to do at times. She doesnt need to be afraid. I know she trusts me with her life....literally. And while she is so independent and gets smarter every minute, our trust in each other grows because we know its a bond of teaching and doing things right.
Thank you type 1 diabetes for 3 years of challenges but also of trust, of growth, of refinement, of learning, of determination, of grit, of faith, of hope, of ever increasing love.
I love you, S!
